So, I thought I'd make an entry. Fourth of July week I was in North/South Carolina at the beach. It was fun. I got sunburned, but that's part of the territory I suppose. We went to the House of Blues and saw Demon Hunter one night and Papa Roach, Trapt, and some other band on the fourth. The Papa Roach concert was crazy. Actually, Demon Hunter was also. I think Demon Hunter was the craziest though. Kids do crazy stuff at metal/Christian concerts. I saw people just kicking beers back one after the other. The kids were frailing their arms and legs around thinking they were "dancing". It was just insane. The Papa Roach concert was just....well...dangerous. People were moshing, body surfing, etc. I actually got hit in the corner of my eye, hit in the nose twice, hit in the head, stepped on, and I pulled a muscle or ligament in the back of my knee. By the way, fat chicks shouldn't try to bodysurf. This one fat hefer was body surfing and I was NOT about to get flattened by a fat chick, so when I went to push her on up I grabbed her boob. Damnit. That wasn't cool. It was either death or do it though. Oh yeah, the lead singer of Papa Roach decided to stage dive and I ended up grabbing his head, so it wouldn't smack the ground. So, technically, I saved his life and he owes me. lol Man, he was sweaty. I thought about dropping him, so I could wipe off the sweat from my hands. lol The only thing that really sucked about the fourth of July was the fact I didn't get to see any fireworks. I love watching them. There are so many pretty ones.

Onto some other news. My dad has purchashed himself a motorcyle. I'm not really sure why he needs one, but it's a little late to question it now. Last weekend, me, dad, Jessie, Jeff, Tammy, and some dude (I think his name was Roger) went on a ride. I need a helmet. BAD. The one I had to use was too big, so when we got up to like 55-55 mph it would wobble around. Full faced helmets aren't light, but with it wobbling around it made my neck extremely sore. We ended up going to the flea market in Somerset, Ky. Some random dude made a teddy bear/heart balloon and gave it to me. When Tammy saw it she HAD to go get her one. She can't be outdone ya know. Anyways, that balloon rode on a motorcyle and actually made it home in tact. lol

This weekend I haven't really done much. I was going to go to the off-road racing yesterday, but dad ended up breaking down. So we had to follow him home to make sure he would make it. I did go to the movies though. Saw The Dark Knight. It was a decent flick. Heath Ledger done a pretty decent job at portraying Joker. I thought his lines could be wittier though. Hands down, Jack Nicholson is the better Joker. And why is it that I'm always the only girl with the group? Geez. The movie gang was me, Jessie, Dakota, Cameron, and Corey. Usually, on the bike rides I'm the only girl too. I need some female friends or something. They are just hard to get along with. Too catty sometimes. But I did get to chat with Shellie today, and that was good. She's cool to chat with.

I've been slacking with doing karaoke songs. I'm not that good of a singer anyways. Hell, my mom has no problem with telling me that I sound bad. lol Dad says my voice isn't strong and demanding, my brother Jeff says I sound fake, my sister says I'm just ok, Dakota says I suck, my other brother says I'm good, and of course Tina says it's good. Jessie's mom wants a cd of me singing. lol Basically, I only have 3 people that like my singing. People that I've chatted with says I'm not good and I'm far from being an American Idol. Som I haven't been doing much singing lately. I just get discouraged. Why do any karaoke when you suck to begin with? I never did claim to be a great singer, but I thought it would be fun to do. What's the point of it when you get mostly negative comments? Thought about retiring. Might as well. That's basically what's happened with the wrestling. I haven't worked a show in months. I want to, but nobody wants managers. Just some more failures to add to my list.

Well, I'm done typing. Until next time. Whenever that might be.

I'm not avoiding anyone. Don't worry about who I may/may not be with. AND...no I'm NOT having fun.

I've got a bad crink in my neck. I think I've pinched a nerve. My whole right arm and right side of my neck are sore and hurt. Basically I'm one handed. The show was a bit hard for me today. Can't turn my head and I'm right handed, so nothing but pain while I tried to answer phones and write. Driving was a pain in the ass also. This one handed typing sucks, so I'm quitting.

Well I didn't work today. I got to the tv station and waited and waited for somebody to show up. It was so freaking hot too. I literally had sweat rolling off of me. If gas wasn't so damn high I might have just let the air conditioner run. So I left around 5:25 pm. I passed Doc, but by that time I figured what was the point in turning around. While I was waiting in the car my side started hurting. It's been hurting ever since. The last time it was hurting I had to go to the emergency room. The doctor told my mom that I had every symptom of appendicitis. I have been getting really hot. Everyone else say that they aren't hot, but I'm sitting there sweating. Then, I'll get cold. So now I'm wondering if it is my appendix giving me trouble again. All I know is that I'm hurting and I've been hurting all evening. Mom kept asking me if I wanted to go to the hospital and my reply was, "who can afford to go to the hospital?" I know I sure can't. I guess the only time I'll be at one is if I'm visiting, or I'm dead. Whichever comes first. Dakota is staying all night, so it should make for a very interesting night with me being in pain and all. I know it's pointless, but I'm going to try to lay down. It's just been a really crappy day, and I'm ready for it to be over. And no, I haven't went into detail about all the things that went wrong today. I just don't have the energy to talk about it right now. Maybe some other time....if my appendix doesn't burst in my sleep. But hey, it'll solve alot of problems if it did. :)

Yes, I thought my sinuses were beginning to clear up. I haven't had a bloody nose in a few days. But NO! It flared back up again today. My nose has been running. GRR! Mom had me out in the building cleaning today, and it just made my nose worse. I'm stopped up on the right side. I just feel like utter crap. My energy is drained. I've taken some sinus medicine, so I'm going to go to bed. It seems like the sensible thing to do.

Oh and Mr. Things aren't what they appear to be....It's pretty apparent what things are. I defintely don't feel stupid anymore. Well, I do, but I don't. I feel stupid for having believed anything you've said, and I love being right. That in itself makes me feel pretty damn smart. Soon you will realize that you can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time. You said it best there, Abe.

That is all. Goodnight.

Thursday evening I went to Bob's funeral. I felt so bad for Millie. All I could do was hug her, kiss her, and tell her that I love her. John asked me if I was going to miss Bob yelling at me from the porch. Of course I am going to miss that. It's like I told him, "It doesn't quite seem real." He really wasn't taking it well at all. He's never hugged me like that or for that long ever. And why is it I always have something to say, but when it comes to funerals and such I'm clueless and a loss for words? Was talking to JC and he was saying how everyone is telling him how it will get easier with time. Stupid me chimes in, "No. It doesn't ever get easier." Should have put a muzzle on, but in all honesty, it doesn't. Everything reminds you of them, and you thinhk about them on almost a daily basis. You think of how you could have done more or what you would have done differently. I guess I didn't make as big of an ass as I thought because he agreed. Talked about being numb and all. Mom then starts talking about how me and JC used to play together and how he could never say my name right. lol I think she was trying to embarrass both of us. We just laughed it off and talked about how we used to get into trouble all the time. Which was SO true. There wasn't much to do, but we got into all kinds of trouble. How that happens I don't know. lol In conclusion I felt down, so I wasn't much for talking the rest of the day.

Yesterday I was still feeling like shit. I'm not sure if it's my sinuses or not. I'm just assuming that they are draining into my stomach and causing it to be upset. But hey, I'm no doctor. Anyways, during Trade Time I got real sick. See, my heart does this thing where it'll skip a beat. Usually, it will just stop for a second and then it starts going again. Well right in the middle of the show it done that. It wasn't the usual one second thing. It stopped, started again, stopped, and started again. I don't know why, but all of a sudden I got really tired, shakey, it felt like someone was sitting on my chest, and down right sick. I did finish the show though. Didn't think I was going to make it home, but I survived. So, the rest of the evening I was laying down taking it easy, as much as I could. Eating Rolaids like candy trying to settle my stomach. I didn't take the medicine mom was giving me. It knocks me the fuck out, and I go to sleep.

So today, I'm supposed to go to a wedding. I really don't wanna go. I hate weddings. It's fucking depressing. So on that note, I'm going to shut up.

It's official. I don't like the UPS people. They've been leaving dad's packages on the back of my car. Today, they left 2 boxes today. One was quite heavy. They left them on my windshield. That pissed me off.

I go to work. It sucked. What else is new? Then, I had to go to Wal-Mart. I wouldn't have even went but Baba had no dog food. Well, I turn to go down the aisle. There is a Pathfinder in front me stopped. I'm patiently waiting minding my own. Then, she starts backing up. Wouldn't you know it...she hits me. There was a van behind me..the old lady on the passenger's side starts laughing. I wanted to pull her out and beat the hell out of her. Getting back to the story....the lady in front of me backs right into me. You'd think she'd get out, but noooooooo she has to get her parking space first. THEN she gets out and starts apologizing. Her best line was, "I'm glad you aren't one of those people that wants to cuss me out." You talk about someone being pissed. I was, and I held my composure. She was acting like she had some big blonde moment and this thing happens all the time. She asked if I wanted her insurance info. That would do me no good considering I have no inusurance of my own. I'm fucked either way. She tore my front end all to hell. Her bumper looked like shit. But anyways, I assume she wasn't going to turn it in anyways, since she pulled in a parking spot before even talking to me. I must have a fucking sign on my car that says, "Hey, hit me ass wipes." SO...the front end of my car is fucked up. My plate is cracked, my headlights are scratched the fuck up, my hood is dented, my paint is chipped, etc.

Moving along, I tell mom and dad what happened. Mom asks if I called the cops. I say no, and she gets on my case. HELLO if I called them I'd be fucked. All the lady would have to say is that it was my fault and I'd be in debt for years trying to pay for her shit. Dad starts yelling at me saying it doesn't matter if I have insurance or not, which isn't exactly true.

On top of all this shit my stomach is still hurting. It's burning like it's on fire. I've taken a Zantac or whatever the hell it is, and eating Rolaids.

I'm just fucked no matter what I do.

I got up this morning and apparently a tick had crawled off of Baba and it attached its blood sucking suckers in me. So I had to pull it off. They are horrible this year. Doesn't seem like anything works on them. Damn blood suckers.

Then I was in the kitchen and stepped on glass. Yeah, mom broke a glass and kinda "forgot" to tell that bit of info, so I walk in there barefoot. So I'm like, "Thanks mom." I continue on into the living room. For some reason I had to go back in the kitchen. I think I was getting Baba some fresh water. I'll be damned if I didn't step on more glass with my other foot. I pick the huge piece out of my foot, and stepped down. Had a bunch of little bitty shards still stuck in my foot. So I was dusting my foot off in the garbage can. All the while mom keeps saying, "I swept the glass up." Sorry, but the broom doesn't get those little shards. You gotta like use water and shit. So yeah, I got glass in both feet. WOOOO! I rock.

I'll start with the good news first. I have a computer now. My brother built me one. Now maybe I can actually use messenger and what not with a little more ease.

Bad news...it's only semi-working correctly. It's running on an illegal copy of Windows XP. So that basically means I can't get everything I really need updated because it requires a valid copy. Either I need to A.) Buy an actual copy of XP or B.) Try to get my sister's again. I've asked her three times now to bring it, so I can uninstall this one and reinstall. She's says, "Oh, I'll bring it tomorrow". Funny how tomorrow never ever gets here.

Other news, I worked a show Saturday night with a different promotion. All I can say to that is...WOW! The owner pretty much lets the wrestlers do whatever they want. He has no say in what finisher to use, etc. The inmates run that asylum. And that my friends is NEVER good. I was really nervous about the crowd. Didn't know if I'd get any heat or not. Needless to say, I walked out of that building being totally hated. So I guess I done my job. I got to beat the shit out of my brother. WOOOOOO!!!

Time for an update. The weekend was ok. Friday I went to go work on a highlight reel from the last wrestling show. Thought I'd try to help the SWA and get some stuff on the net. Of course I got smartass remarks about it. So therefore, I can't do anything right or helpful. But then the same people are quick to jump and say that I don't do anything or have any interest. Why would I when everything I try to do is put down? I'm going to get some of the old tapes I have to put some videos together. It will be without vale or cause, but it's another meaningless and sad attempt at doin something good.

Saturday I helped move a futon. Boy that was fun. Especially trying to get it down stairs. I realized just how out of shape I was. lol

Sunday I done nothing. Stayed at home and had a headache. Those seem to follow me around.

Yesterday I worked of course. Got to the tv station and all of Art's vehicles were there, but he was not. Dad called me and said that Art was picking up a prescription at the drug store and it would be another 30 minutes. So I sit there waiting contemplating whether or not to just go home. I start cleaning out my car. Dakota was getting on my nerves. He was on top of my car, on my hood, locking himself in the trunk, etc. Doc pulls in at like 2 til 5. Get in the station and the internet isn't working. I think it needed to be unplugged and plugged back in, but I wasn't going to touch it. So I get on the air late and wasn't even live in Kentucky. Had to go off the air a little bit early because Doc had to go into work. Took Dakota home. Got home and I started feeling unwell.

So far today I'm feeling bad. My allergies are starting to act up. The left side of my nose is running, so I'm blowing my nose every two minutes. If I lay down the left side is stopped up. I had a rough night trying to sleep due to that. Ah well it's that time of the season I suppose. Just feel drained. I just don't want my nose to drain into my stomach causing more trouble. I'm sneezing enough right now. I took one of those Alavert pills for allergies. It melts in your mouth and supposed to "instantly" start working. They're liars. Hasn't done anything for me. And my head hurts. Also doin laundry. Wooo! I'm doin all sorts of stuff today. Go me. Thinking about making some muffins or brownies or something. Not sure yet.

Anywho, I need to go check my laundry and get ready for Dakota. Damn it. I just sneezed all over myself. *grabs a tissue* This sucks. Well I'm out of here.

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others,
they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take it's place.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

Yes, I had road rage today. Maybe it was due to the fact that I'm still sick. Who knows. Just seemed like everyone was getting on my nerves. I was going 70 and this stupid ass bitch cunt of a whore was riding my ass. I fucking flipped out. She gets the title of most cursed at from me. That cunt licker royally pissed me off. Jesus Christ, I was going 70. If I had insurance on my car I would have slammed my fucking brakes, so I'd get a new car. She got flipped off and everything in between. Was ready to get her to pull over so I could fucking drag her out of the window by the hair of the head and fuck her shit up. I fucking hate those assholes who like to pull out in front of you and then go fucking 3 miles per hour. Bastards and bitches need to be pulled over and kicked in the genitalia. And after they get kicked they need to be fucking punched in the neck. Then, I'd be happy.

Yeah, totally didn't want to go to work either. The public just fucking sucks some monkey ball dicks. Wasn't really in the mood for the unintellectual people. And man are there many. Especially in Kentucky. They all talk like they are some inbred, goat fucking, retards. Jeez, they don't need to breed and multiply. And Melvin needs a huge, 12 inch, black dildo shoved up his ass. Maybe then he'll stop calling just to harass me. Lord knows no woman would have his old, saggy ass.

It's fucking cold, and I hate it. I'm never going to get over this shit if I have to go out all the time. Unfortunately, I need money to pay my bills, or I'd say shove that job up your ass and out of your throat. And of course, I have to drive all over the damn county to pay the bills for here. Lord knows that I'm the only damn person that can do anything around here. But yet, I get told on a daily basis that I don't ever do anything. If it weren't for me we'd be sitting in the dark, cold, hungry, and without a telephone. I'm tired of being everyone's bitch. Always look to me for EVERYTHING. "Keisha do this. Keisha do that." "Hey, can you do me a favor?" OLD OLD OLD. Someone needs to be asking what they can do for ME! Nah, can't do that. They'd rather bitch about what I have or have not done instead of getting off their lazy ass and doing something. Guess it's easier to bitch and complain to the person who is doing something versus being considerate and helping out even just for a little bit. And who really gives a shit if I'm sick or not? Apparently, I'm not supposed to have a "sick day". Still expected to do things. Damn. Sucks. Bastards.

And what the fuck is up with people? I get a magazine in the mail to buy books. That was pretty cool until I started looking at what was for sale. It was all black books. "Black Expressions". Books about "playas" "thugs", etc. What the fuck? Just because my name sounds black doesn't mean I am. Stupid ass fucks. I need to change my name. If I had a white name I wouldn't have gotten that magazine. Shit heads.

Alright kiddies. Time for an update. Took mom to therapy. Watched Dakota some. Been coughing today for some reason. Guess those nasty sinuses are acting up again. Went to work.

On the way home I started listening to dad's music player. "The Stroke" came on. I got all fired up. Was singing as loud as I could. "STROKE ME STROKE ME....STROKE STROKE" I look over and I pass some cops who had pulled someone over. Perhaps they didn't hear me. If they did...OH WELL! It was kinda funny at the time.

So then I went to Wal-Mart. I bet the cashier got pissed at me and thinks I'm an asshole bitch. I paid for the stuff with quarters. LOL Yeah kid...I'm an ass. GOOOOOO ME! I RAWK! MEOW!

Yes yes, I'm in an odd mood today. Kinda crazy. Anyways, me and my headache are going to beddie bye now.

Well I spent my night at the ER. Geez, is the bad luck never gonna end? Seriously now. My task tomorrow is to go to the grocery store since I haven't made it yet. Oh yeah, I gotta get blood out of my car seat. Not sure what to use, but I gotta try something. I THINK I gotta go to the funeral home tomorrow.

Eh I'm tired....

I took mom to the hospital for her bloodwork. Hopefully, I won't have to take her for too much longer. While I was waiting on her at therapy I heard a car wreck. I couldn't really see it, but I definitely heard it. I'm sure someone pulled out in front of someone else. Idiots around here don't know how to drive. I'm fixin to make a grocery list and go shopping. Eh, I really dread that. IT's almost Christmas, and I'm pretty sure it will be ran over with people. Which brings me to this question...why do people stop in the middle of the aisle just to talk? You can't around them or anything else. Makes me mad. Also, this morning I got told my great aunt died. Just one more thing to go on the list of bad luck. Sheesh. Is it ever gonna end? I mean seriously. There's just so much going on in my life at the moment. Can't keep up or get it all straight and together. Driving me insane. Literally.

Job applicants with African-American sounding names are far less likely to get a callback as are similarly qualified "white" candidates, according to researchers at the University of Chicago and MIT, who submitted 5,000 bogus resumes in response to job ads. Half the resumes bore stereotypical African-American names such as Latonya and Tyrone; half sported traditionally Anglo names like Kristin and Brad.

Candidates with Caucasian-sounding names were contacted more frequently than those with a presumed ethnic identity and identical resumes. That is, 10 percent of those with typically white names were called back, compared to just 6.7 percent with black-sounding names. Some names may be especially unpalatable for employers: Tamika was called back 5 percent of the time; Aisha, a scant 2 percent.

Marianne Bertrand, a professor at the University of Chicago, also found that highly qualified "black" candidates had no advantage over their less qualified black peers, but "white" candidates' odds of an interview skyrocketed with increased skills.

Me and mom left here around 1:30 and didn't get back home until after 5. I had to take her up to the hospital so she could get her bloodwork done and all that. Have to take her back up there Thursday. Then, I dropped her prescription off at the pharmacy. From there, I had to take her to therapy at Huntsville. That took awhile. The kids outside the building were really irritating me. Not the place to goof around at, but anyway. After therapy I had to go back to Oneida and pick up her prescription. Finally got home, and I was starving to death. Haven't really got to eat that much today. Been on the go. Tomorrow I get to go grocery shopping. That's gonna be fun. Everybody and their grandma will be there shopping since it's so close to Christmas. Speaking of that...we don't have a tree up or anything. So basically we won't be having our normal "Christmas". Not that I care about presents or anything. Just saying... Anyways, I'm pretty dang tired from today. I won't get any sleep though. Never do. I need some sleeping pills. Surely they won't make me feel any worse than what I already do. Feel drained ALL the time. Yep, I ran out of things to talk about....

Apparently I just use people for an ego boost. Funny thing is, if I were using someone for an ego boost how come I don't have an ego? I don't think I'm anything special or great. My self-esteem isn't superb, and I don't think that highly of myself. So if I'm using someone for that purpose then it's apparent they are doing a sucky job then. Crazy.